I showed him my bush... on skype.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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