Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
