Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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