He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
