There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
