ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
