Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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