I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
