Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize