i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
