Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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