So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
