This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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