Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
