I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
