so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
