So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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