Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
