I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize