Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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