That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
