Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
