It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
