I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize