meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
