yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im drinking this country out of the recession.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
