On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize