I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
