i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I deserve this hangover.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
