Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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