i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
