smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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