Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
