your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
