Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
