we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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