I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
