So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
