Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
