why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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