Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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