I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
