i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
