mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
