Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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