I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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