at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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