3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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