You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
