I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
