OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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