People in love make me want to vomit
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
