i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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