She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
