professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sorry about my life...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
