I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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