"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
