Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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