And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
