well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
