TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
