What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
