I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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