Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
