So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
