She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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