I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
