Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
