he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
