when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need a beard to bite.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize