i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize