I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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