it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
