I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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