Someone shit on the floor
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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