Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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