just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
