It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
