she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
