ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
