shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
