she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
