I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize