Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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