i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
whose ass print is on the piano?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
