Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
