I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
