I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
