Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
